just, you. 

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and you weren’t perfect

but i wasn’t either.

we aren’t;

at least not apart.

together was different.

and all of this,

it’s different.

but not in a way that makes sense.

sometimes,

i just miss…

someone who loves me.

sometimes i miss

just, you.

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some mornings just suck

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I’ve tried to find it in the sunrise

behind closed curtains, in bed. 

I’ve been looking everywhere—

in the pages of books i hadn’t read. 

Where did it go, if it feels trapped in me still?

A love that could make my heart explode. 

Boiling close with unmatched anger…

How long can I feel so alone?

I hear words that make no sense

“I love you, but…”

Then mostly, just nothing at all. 

(You might as well just yell.)

What changed your mind

Who fills it now

Where does it go. 

A love that could make my heart explode. 

a month + one day

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I cannot manage to swallow the lump in my throat that shows up unannounced as I try to find sleep; when I open my eyes each day; in the shower; in the grocery store; mid-conversation. It creeps in so quickly, and my chest tightens. Intense sadness washes over me and I sometimes feel dizzy. I try not to let anyone see my eyes well up. I try to blink my tears away and hide behind closed eyes until it passes. I try to squeeze the memory of your face out of my mind by pressing my eyes shut harder. 

But you’re on the back of my eyelids and every place else. And I miss you when you aren’t. And I can’t breathe sometimes. 

Can you?