a month + one day

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I cannot manage to swallow the lump in my throat that shows up unannounced as I try to find sleep; when I open my eyes each day; in the shower; in the grocery store; mid-conversation. It creeps in so quickly, and my chest tightens. Intense sadness washes over me and I sometimes feel dizzy. I try not to let anyone see my eyes well up. I try to blink my tears away and hide behind closed eyes until it passes. I try to squeeze the memory of your face out of my mind by pressing my eyes shut harder. 

But you’re on the back of my eyelids and every place else. And I miss you when you aren’t. And I can’t breathe sometimes. 

Can you?

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